I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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