Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
that is very illegal...i love you.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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