Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
