You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
