Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
