how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
