I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
