you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
