So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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