It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
