I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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