How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
