I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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