She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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