I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
