well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
