Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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