Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
