Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
