I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
