Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
