just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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