i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
