what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
