How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
