No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
