I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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