hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
