I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
