i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
