Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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