You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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