Having a random hookup so left but love u
Me too!
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
