Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
