Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
