Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
