some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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