He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
