hell yes lets make some ravioli
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
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