Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
