I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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