those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
