The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Ladies don't puke and tell
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
