They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
this boner is exhausting
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
