tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
