you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
