i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
