They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
