He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
