We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Drunk is not a location!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
