I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
